I could have mohawked her pubes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
