I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
