I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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