I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
