Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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