Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
