She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
