she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
