I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
