Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
