my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
