i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
PANTIES FOUND
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