I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
