glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize