Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
