We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
