At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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