Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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