I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
