bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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