bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
