my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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