i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
