Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
