She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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