You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
