During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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