how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
