id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
