will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
