the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
