she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
