U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
