i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
