I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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