you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I could fuck to npr.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
