thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
