I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
