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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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