I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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