If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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