we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
