What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
