i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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