You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
