I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
