Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i came on her dog
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
