Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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