He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
