Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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