She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
