God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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