remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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