Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
