I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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