you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
