it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
