I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
