Plan B is the new Plan A
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
