At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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