Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
