How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
