Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
