you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
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