I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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