She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
soo... how was my night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
