sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
