Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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