He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
