Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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