I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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