stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
