totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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