the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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