Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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