It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
