Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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