life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
