: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
