Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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