yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
