I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just googled if crying burns calories
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
