Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
