a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
