can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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