hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
