I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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