yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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