just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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